The “Corporal”

The “Corporal”

HAIR! I smell A HAIR!
“Hit the floor Private!!!!”
“Neow,neow,neow-hisss”

Punkin is the Corporal of his house.
He lets my sister and her husband live there, out of the kindness of his heart.
But be aware, he rules that house with an iron fist.
IF you get past the front door, without first passing his detailed inspection, he finds you. He inspects you.
And then you may or may not be allowed carry on. If you have even a single, solitary, hair from another cat, dog or animal from the animal kingdom, on your person,
HE knows it!
Immediately!
Before you even get through that front door.
Thats an automatic 20 push-ups for you.
“Hit the dirt, NOW, PRIIIIIVEEEEETE!! Neow! Neow! Neow!” he meows.
“Thats right” he growls “on the floor, minion”, as he watches you wiltingly drop to the floor. He observes your form with his eagle eye,
perched upon your back,
as you struggle through those 20 push-ups!
He counts too,
you should know that, so don’t cheat.
Otherwise, it’s 20 more.
If, perchance you decide to pet, look at, show affection to, play with, speak to, or otherwise engage the bouncing puppy Hannah, you will incur his wrath as well.
SHE is HIS,
and HIS ALONE!
His living, breathing, bouncing, personal, plaything.
DON’T TOUCH!
or its drop for another 20!

Hannah Watching you do push-ups!

And he does NOT share.
Well.
He shares well with one, his mom.
She also is his, only his and there will not be any negotiation about that, either.
Don’t even ask. Mark is the ONLY one he shares her with, grudgingly.
Punkin did his time, alone on the streets and feels he is entitled to his stature as the Corporal in his house. If you disagree, he is sure to have you on that floor again,
in the position,
doing the push-ups.
20 more.
I have spent a little time with the Corporal, as a personal phurtographer, a minion allowed to supply him with a treat, or a lap, or doing push-ups. His elevated stature in the hierarchy of his house demands he have his life documented, unceasingly. He is regal, composed at all times, and has quite a vocabulary as is befitting one with his education and background. The streets taught him early how to rule (us, cats, dogs, birds), who to have as compatriot and who to run off (them, or whoever he sees fit to run off). You don’t argue with, try to persuade, disagree with, or say no to the Corporal. Or on the floor you go, for 20.

“Thats a nice burger you have there, Scott!”

When he says “thats a nice burger you have there”, that means step away from the burger, its now his.
His place is at the head of his table.
He OWNS it,
you are a guest
or an intruder,
depending on the meal.
Better not have any hair on you.

Corporal Punkin, Head of his table.

And if you are graced with his presence during a meal, it is your responsibility to see to it he is served before all others.
Or
its the floor for you,
yet again.
If he deigns to honor your lap with a dainty paw touch and asks to come up, he is really not asking. That is his polite way of letting you know “this lap is now mine, to use as I see fit.” Take advantage of his politeness other wise, you know where you’ll wind up?
Yup,
back on the floor.
And just so you know, the Corporal KNOWS he is special. You don’t have to tell him. But if you do, he might act like he doesn’t like it. But he really does. So be sure to tell him. 

“Yes,I know I am special, must you constantly repeat yourself”

So, if you happen to be honored enough to pay my sister a visit, and the Corporal greets you at the door, please show him the respect he is due, allow him to inspect you, and then grovel for his approval. For failing to do this can result in a Neowing, hissing, ejection such as you have never before experienced. I encourage all who enter the house of Corporal Punkin, to please observe his rules, bow in his presence, and for God’s sake don’t have a cat hair on your coat!