The Gift.

Family.
I have the best.
Hands down.
I got a shower gift from my little sister, Sara.

The shower gift, made magic happen.

“Its 30 years in the making”, she said.
She has never had a baby shower either. But she gave me one. I wish with all of my heart I could change that for her.
She was the first person, besides me, to know I was expecting a baby. Our song, the song that was playing on the radio as I told her was “You dropped a Bomb On Me”, its been our special little song for 30 years. I still love that song.
You Dropped a Bomb On ME!
Oh, that was so true and we laughed so hard over that!
When she was born, and I was leaving the hospital without her, my older sister Grace brought me a plant. She knew how it felt to leave a hospital, after delivering a baby, empty handed. Her oldest was a preemie, she knew. She leaned down and whispered to me “no one should have to leave empty handed after having a baby”. I still have that plant. Its a little bedraggled, and some parts of it have

died, but some parts of it have lived. I like to think its the heart of it thats survived so long. My younger brother, God bless him, when I shared that I had found her, so many years ago, thought that I should just go there, knock on her moms door and ask her to lunch to talk. It was that simple for him. I wish that it had been so simple for me.
I never hid her, ever. If anyone ever asked I shared her with them. My husband knew about her on our third date. My niece and my cousin found out about her the 4th of July, this year. My brothers new, wonderful girlfriend sent me a private message with her blessings and encouragement.
This all happened just 2 days before I met her again, for the first time. Two days from meeting her and I finally had a shower. It wasn’t your normal kind of baby shower, but it means just as much to me. Nothing about me has ever been called normal. The gifts I have received at this not so normal, baby shower have been above average on the scale of gift giving, encouragement, love, joy, and most of all, the support of those who have shared her with me for 30 years, and had never seen her. And some who just learned she existed.
I have never been called normal any damn way, so not having a normal shower isn’t surprising for me. I didn’t have a normal wedding either. Maybe thats why it didn’t last. I don’t know. The dress I never got to wear is another story too. Its hanging in Sara’s basement.
All I can tell you is that the feelings of gratitude I have for my sisters and brothers right now is almost as overwhelming as the days waiting to meet her were long. I don’t have a haiku poem for this. I can’t put a name on it, my emotions were all over the place. Words cant do it justice. You just have to have felt it to know.
I didn’t know how I was even going to be able to decide on what to wear when we met. I just wore what I had on. It worked. I looked like hell. When I met her the first time, I was naked! I am guessing I looked like hell then, too! I didn’t go naked to this second meeting. Some of my most momentous events have happened while I was in a state of undress! Whats up with that?  More on that at a later date. 🙂
I had 2 hours to think about how I would greet her when I got there. Everything from “Oh My GOD!” to “Hi, I am Mary”, went through my head. In the end, when I drove up,
she was waiting,
sitting alone,
on the picnic table.
She said
“Hey”!
I said Hey!,
and and we hugged.
I held her for a long time and the tears wet our shirts. When we let go, I held her face in my hands and told her she was beautiful! She is the single, most beautiful creation, I have ever laid my eyes upon. How, did I, the total screw up, bi-polar black sheep, have had anything to do with this creation? I knew, at that instant, there was a God. No doubts, ever again.
Thank You! God, for keeping her safe, teaching her how to love, and for bringing us together again.
My heart, who had spent 30 years closed, shelved and hidden by grief, fear, despair and an overwhelming sense of loss, finally opened to a full bloom.

♪♫♪ Singing to the sky!!! I’ve got that joy, joy, joy, joy down in my heart … ♪♫♫

She was singing with joy! She had searched for the last time, for one of the pieces necessary to make her whole. I finally felt my heart find hers and we were home in the place we both waited 30 years to find.

One left.

Now, there is just one, last, missing piece.
One day we will find her too.
I promise.