Paralyzed…

Stuck
Grounded,
Can’t find my way out.
Starring,
outside,
its beautiful
sunny and warm.

Sunny Day

Inside,
Cold,
Trapped,
tired,
Ugly.
Fat.
Useless.
18 Resumes,
just today.
46 regret letters last week.
Homeless.
Penniless.

Old.
No one wants old.
Tired of fighting,
Defending.
Frustrated.
Creativity is gone.
My friend,
sometimes.

It disappears
when I need it most.
It’s fickle.
I need it back.
It sustains me
when noting else does.

Mad,useless.
Angry,
sleepless,
9 days now.
Again.

Night 7, sleepless.  It was worth it.

Migraines,
creeping along
the front of my skull.
Nagging pain,
ever present,
dull,
then
ripping through my eyes,
wrapping itself around my skull,
like an ever tightening vise.
Pills.
Relief,
sometimes.

God,
I am tired.
People who think
money wont solve everything,
have never spent the day my shoes.

Try these on. Bring your A game when you do.

I just want to stop.
I don’t want to want,
need,
depend,
hope,
and then be
disappointed.
Again.

Sunny day   Red River Gorge

 

I am tired of fishing.
I want to reel the line in,
set the pole down
and wade in.
Allow the coolness
of the rushing water
to soothe this weary soul.
Refresh it,
and the mind attached to it.

And after…
get back up,
and fight
another
day.